And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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