he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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