I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
