I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
