Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
