Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
