i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
