He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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