how do flat chested girls get laid?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
