i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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