you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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