ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
