I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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