what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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