Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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