she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
