I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
