I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
