can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry my hands just texted you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
