dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
