Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
