Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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