i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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