my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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