The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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