when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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