i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
