I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
