note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
