Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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