u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
