thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
