The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
