physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
