2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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