You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
