Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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