yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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