We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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