Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
