I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
