Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
