I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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