just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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