I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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