I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
