The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
