I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
