you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
