the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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