After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
