She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Randomize
