Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
