How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
