I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
