Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
